My daughter's birthday is about two weeks away. Every day that it grows closer, I hear more "I wish I could have it"s during commercial breaks. She wants just about anything she sees and I find myself having to tell her flat out that she can't have certain toys either because I find them annoying, stupid, a bad influence, or all three.

In a world that's spawned something as godawful as Bratz Big Babies, babydolls that wear a lot of makeup and dress like sluts, and the Barbie Karaoke Guitar, which allows me to listen to fifteen seconds of "Oops, I Did it Again" about 9000 times a day while also serving as a perfect club with which she can brain her little brother, I wondered what the hell was wrong with the toy industry these days.

Then I was looking through Justice League of America #91 from 1971 and was reminded the toy industry has always been fucked up.Thank god for Aurora, who finally addressed the burning need for children to act out S&M rape fantasies between Vampirella, Frankenstein's Monster, and a hooker they grab off the street. You may have a hard time finding many of these today. Not because they aren't around, but because they are buried behind all those bodies crammed into the crawlspace.