Youngblood Goes Hentai

Bloggified by Jake on Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Earlier this month, Harvey Jerkwater discussed how She-Hulk's cheesecake covers cause him public embarrassment. The obvious solution? The next time you buy a copy of She-Hulk where Greg Horn has chosen to portray her rubbing a banana in her cleavage on the cover despite the fact it has nothing to do with the content of the actual story, dig through the quarterbox and find a copy of Team Youngblood #14.

Slap down this cover promising Riptide nudity within and no one's going to look at your She-Hulk. Hell, the guy checking out in front of you with a couple copies of Cherry Poptart and some tentacle porn DVDs is likely to look at you funny, but not because of the She-Hulk.

This issue dealt with the introspective journey of Riptide as she debated the pros and cons of posing nude in Pussycat magazine and the effect it would have on her career. Along the way, she hears the opinions of her teammates, which range from muted support to perverted curiosity to confusion to outright disapproval.

It should be noted in writing that two sentence synopsis, I gave the book more depth than writer Eldon Asp did in 21 pages. Now, onto that disapproval.Sentinel brings up a good point. Riptide is a role model to little girls everywhere. Magazines like Playboy, Maxim, and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue get a bad reputation for giving women a skewed sense of reality when it comes to body image. In fact, though, it should be noted that women's magazines like Glamour and Cosmo are as--if not more--accountable.

Women who see the startlingly beautiful images strive for a similar level of perfection, a level unattainable without professional airbrush touchups. Add to these already dangerous waters the potential of girls aged 10-14 seeing someone they look up to like Riptide putting her superpowered, athletic, toned physique on display and you have a recipe for body dysmorphic disorder of pandemic proportions.

Especially if the girls strive to make their bodies look like this:Apparently, Riptide is 6'9" and 5'10" of it is legs. Also, a little known fact about her powers is that they cause her reflection in mirrors to be slightly different that in reality.

Have Chap Yaep or John Stinsman ever even seen a naked woman? If you take art classes, they bring in naked women for you to draw so you know their hips aren't in their armpits, right? Yaep did layouts and Stinsman did pencils, so who shoulders the majority of the blame here?

It doesn't really matter, because there is plenty of blame to go around. Whoever is to blame can't plead ignorance of the anatomy of a female torso as I first suspected, because apparently, he can't draw female heads either.Okay, boobs, hips, belly, and even shoulders (She has one boob and a shoulder that juts forward from her throat at a 90 degree angle!) I can understand, because more often than not, women cover them up when they go out in public. But heads? Did these two grow up in Kabul where all the women wore burqas, leaving them to make a best guess at what a woman's head looks like?

"Hmm, do you think a woman's skull is bigger than her shoulder or smaller? Probably about the same. Are their eyes in the front or do they kind of wrap around the side because they're so wide? Do they have hair like me or is it... oh, wait, if that was drawn in 1994, that hair's actually not that bad...

Oddly enough, when Riptide actually poses nude, just like in Playboy or Cosmo, she gets touched up. In this case, the artists obviously threw a centerfold on a light table and traced her as the art suddenly stops sucking for the majority of one brief splash page (though Stinsman tries to hide his porn swiping by cleverly fucking up her eyes as only he can).Hmm, throwing a centerfold on a light table and tracing it? Sounds like we're back to discussing Greg Horn's She-Hulk covers.

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