Finally, the Secret is Revealed! How to Get Fat!

Bloggified by Jake on Sunday, June 4, 2006

Seriously? Was there really a time when people didn't know how to get fat?

Maybe I'm spoiled by being an American in a time when obesity is at its highest rate in human history, but I would never have suspected this was a budding idea for an entreprenuership. Teaching people how to eat more food! Brilliant! We'll be millionaires!

The add pretty much lays out the secret. Follow the "high calorie plan." So what secrets could it reveal? "Have you tried donuts for breakfast? If so, try eight donuts for breakfast!"

It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer had to gain enough weight to get on disability, so Dr. Nick Riviera advised him to rub his food against a piece of paper before eating it. If the paper turns clear, it's the ticket to weight gain.

The pills are even full of fat! When was the last time you saw anything in this country advertised as having added fat?

My favorite description, though, has to be "pound-gaining calories." As opposed to those cancer-curing calories or math-problem solving calories that do nothing to add to your waistline.

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