History Lesson: 2001

Bloggified by Jake on Wednesday, July 12, 2006

It's amazing how much things can change in just five years. More amazing might be how much we forget. I picked up a copy of Armageddon 2001 from the quarterbox (where all the comics cost fifty cents) and was blown away by how different the world of 2006 is from the world of 2001.

Perhaps I'm living in an ivory tower, removed from the mean streets of Big City, USA, but there is so much I don't recall.

Just look at this typical day in the life of Captain Atom circa 2001 and the misery he had to endure so matter-of-factly.

It all began when he set out to see his daughter and grandchildren one afternoon. Along the way, he heard gunshots coming from a block over.

The same block where he was supposed to meet the kids.Oh, the tragedy! You'll have to forgive the policeman if he comes off as rude or apathetic. Afterall, mass murder in the streets was a common occurence in 2001, what with all the gangs fighting over their turf. The police became numb to the wholesale slaughter because it was so commonplace, but not without the help of the designer drug jucie, which was legalized along with all other drugs.With drugs and murder deemed legal, police found much of their workload lightened, though streetgangs found themselves much busier.That's right. Streetgangs had been legal for a full three years at that point and I didn't even realize. I'm so whitebread.

The gangs had to each carve our its own niche and protect its turf. From what I can tell, a truce was nearly reached, but then someone shot Cyrus in Central Park and pinned it on the Warriors.

With all the gunning down of schoolchildren by gangs, the morgues filled fast. Woe be onto anyone who couldn't claim the bodies within half an hour.Fortunately, things have changed a lot in the last five years. I called my dad, who is an assistant attorney general, and confirmed that it is, in fact, once again illegal to shoot people in the streets, even as part of a gang turfwar. Police also are forbidden from smoking jucie in the station houses, and Cop Mark, who is a regular reader of Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge assured me he has not seen any one on the force ever smoke jucie, even off duty. Bravo, boys in blue!

So, congratulations, world, on coming back from the brink!

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