Spooky Halloween Story with the Undertaker

Bloggified by Jake on Tuesday, October 31, 2006

... and they say late at night, if you listen real close to the wind... you can still hear him... playin' that honky-tonkin' music!


Okay, okay, I've got a really scary story. Come on in, everyone. Get around the fire and listen close, because this is a true story. Seriously, it happened not too far away from here, just over that hill we were hiking on this morning.

Seems the Embalmer's plan to control the three volumes of the Books of the Dead had failed and he instead decided to take undisputed control of Hell by marrying the Undertaker's half-brother's half-sister, Jezebelle, who, incidentally, is not related to Undertaker since she shares a father with Kane and Kane shares a mother with Undertaker.

No, Jimmy, I guess that doesn't really have anything to do with the story. Anyway, the Embalmer took control of Jezebelle's mind and not only convinced her to marry him but made Kane agree to prevent anyone from opposing the marriage, which prompted Undertaker to stand still for ten minutes doing nothing.In truth, the Undertaker was forging a connection to his half-brother's mind, allowing him to track Kane and, in turn, the Embalmer and Jezebelle. The three were on their way to the Embalmer's mansion where all his servants quickly prepared for the wedding.

Huh? Well, yes, I suppose Undertaker probably could have figured that out for himself. Look, you're really kind of killing the mood, so just let me finish my story.

So, they went to Embalmer's mansion, which was right over that hill. All the most evil, most powerhungry demons of hell came to the mansion for the wedding, including Embalmer's number one rival, Sleezmore.No, I did not just come up with Sleezmore off the top of my head because I couldn't think of anything better! That was the guy's name. Okay, settle down every--what's that? Um, well, I suppose you do have a point that Undertaker is probably Embalmer's number one riv--what? Paul Bearer? That's a little more complicated since Paul Bearer was in control of half the armies of Hell and prophecied by the Necronomicon to battle Embalmer for ultimate control of the entire netherworld... but, uh... he's not any more.

While the wedding preparations we're carried out inside the house, the Undertaker gathered his army of loyal demon followers in a wide-open, empty field easily seen from the Embalmer's mansion--quiet down back there! He commanded them to attack the mansion and Embalmer's men.Meanwhile, Sleezmore--I'm not kidding, Jimmy! Knock it off! Sleezmore decided to take advantage of the wedding distrations demanding Embalmer's attention to rape the bride-to-be.Kane, however, came to Jezebelle's rescue, snapping the demon's neck, much to the joy of the Embalmer, who was happy to know he could still be the first to rape Jezebelle.

Kane wasn't happy with the turn of events, but was powerless to prevent the wedding as he was sworn to destroy anyone who opposed the marriage. Granted, Sleezmore had--Jimmy! One more time and you're confined to your tent! Sleezmore and Embalmer had a peace treaty that one violated by attempting to rape the others fiancee and the other planned to violate by killing his rival as part of the ceremony, but that doesn't mean Kane has to sink to their level.

Instead, it was Jezebelle who suggested a way out of the predicament.At that same time, Undertaker's army was storming the castle-like mansion...
... even though Embalmer didn't seem the least bit concerned.The Hellish priests began the ceremony. "Do you Embalmer take Jezebelle? Do you Jezebelle take the Embalmer?" She reached for her twin daggers, but before she could plunge them into the face of the Embalmer, Undertaker leapt out of the ground and turned on a powerful, wind tunnel or something!Um, and that's when the operator told her, "The calls are coming from inside the house! Get out!"

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