Losing My Patience with "Lost"

Bloggified by Jake on Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Before it happens, I just want to state for the record that when Juliet winds up betraying the castaways tonight and proving that she really was working with Ben the whole time and that Ben had planned all the dynamite stuff, that I'm not shocked.

The majority of twists this season have just been flat out disappointing. For the most part, the shocking revelations have centered on an entire show telling us what we already assume in wrong, heaping on evidence to prove it's wrong, then, when we finally acknowledge maybe we were wrong, showing us we were right in the first place and were stupid to think we were wrong.

It's like watching my daughter do a magic trick. "Look in my hand, Dad," she'll say while holding a quarter. "Abracadabra, allakazoo, make this quarter disappear!" Then she'll close her fist around the quarter and insist it disappeared.

"It's in your hand," I'll shrug.

"No, it disappeared."

"Fine. Then open your hand."

She'll quickly bring her hands together and transfer the quarter to the other hand, then offer me the palm of the original as "proof" of her magic.

"Okay, now it's in the other hand."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is." And so on and so on until I get bored and frustrated enough to sigh, "Whatever. It disappeared."

It's at this point she will smarmily reveal, "Nope! It's here in my hand!" like I'm an idiot.

This (after the song) is how I feel when I'm watching "Lost":

For that entire episode where Juliet was handcuffed to Kate, arguing that Kate should trust her because the Others abandoned her in the jungle, it was obviously a big scam.

Jake: How many times have the Others pretended they were going to help the castaways or that they were one of the castaways or another person stranded on the island? She's just trying to win over Kate.

Lost Writers: No, she was abandoned in the woods.

Jake: I'm sure they told her to go out there and pretend she'd been abandoned.

Lost Writers: What?!?! They wouldn't do that!

Jake: That's exactly what they would do. In fact, that's just about all they do. Whatever grand secret they are hiding seems to be nothing more than "The Others like to fuck with strangers' heads."

Lost Writers: Look, Juliet is crying because Kate doesn't trust her. Don't make Juliet cry. You should trust her because she's been left behind by the others.

Jake: She hasn't been left behind. She's a mole.

Lost Writers: No, she's not. Okay, maybe she wasn't really handcuffed by the Others. She handcuffed herself because she wanted Kate to trust her because the Others really, really abandoned her.

Jake: So you're admitting she's a liar to convince me I should trust her?

Lost Writers: Exactly! She's on our side now. Look, Jack is taking her back to camp. You trust Jack, right?

Jake: But Jack's reasoning for why we should trust her is that the Others abandoned her. I don't believe the others abandoned her. Jack is either ignorant or in on it.

Lost Writers: She's in the camp now and everyone distrusts her. Imagine how sad she must be. You should be ashamed.

Jake: You know, the only reason to believe you really did have them abandon her is because you knew all the fans would assume she hadn't been abandoned, so the real twist is that she was left behind.

Lost Writers: Ha ha, sucker! She wasn't left behind! It was all part of a big plan between Ben and her! But you're so stupid you fell for it!

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