Bad Parenting

Bloggified by Jake on Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It's exchanges like this that guarantee I'll never get my book on parenting ("You Were an Accident: A Bad Father's Guide to Parenting") published:

The kids are squealing in the living room.

Griffin: EEEEEeeeEEEeeeEEeeEEe! I'm telling!

They come running into my office.

Jake: Christ, you two, what did you do now?
Taryn: I was sitting on his face.
Jake: Why were you--
Griffin: She farted on my head!
Taryn: I was only pretending. I didn't really fart on him.
Jake: Yeah, well don't even pretend. That's not funny... well, actually it is kind of funny. But your mom probably would get mad about it so knock it off.

1 sarcastic replies:

Jason said...

From my forthcoming book: "Shhhh...Daddy's on the Internet"

Jack (crying): Dad! Sean hit me!

Me: Jack, he's two, you're five, you should be able to take him. Man up buddy.

Jack then turns to punch Sean, but Sean immediately wraps him up and body-slams him to the ground. Sean then smiles smugly as I watch my future-jock son tower over my future-nerd son.

Me: Jack, you're gonna have to learn how to run pal.

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