Mayo Ads

Bloggified by Jake on Thursday, August 7, 2008

Kraft has a new product out and like most new products, it's just an old product with one minor tweak. In this case, someone decided to replace the vegetable oil normally used to make mayonnaise with more expensive olive oil.

Mayonnaise has its place. It's serves as a protective barrier between bread and potentially sog-inducing sandwich ingredients such as tomatoes and pickles. It compliments the combination of relish and fish perfectly, both in tartar sauce and tuna salad.

But mayonnaise is a role player, not a star. Which makes it hard to advertise for the same reason baseball teams don't sell their season ticket packages by spotlighting their journeyman utility infielder.

Unfortunately, that doesn't stop Kraft. The company has elevated mayo to starring role status in the ads for its new product and the result (which is sadly not on YouTube nor the Kraft website) is about as watchable as The Super or Gone Fishin' or Jimmy Hollywood or 8 Heads in a Dufflebag--movies starring Oscar Award-winning supporting actor Joe Pesci.

The commercial features several women eating mayonnaise by the bucketful while dancing in long, flowing skirts. One slathers a piece of bread with a layer of mayo about a half an inch thick, then gently lays two or three small slices of a Roma tomato on top and presses it to her lips like its a lover who's been stationed in Iraq for fifteen months.

Another digs into a bowl of sliced potatoes that are swimming in mayonnaise. I guess its potato salad for people who are too lazy to look up a recipe for potato salad--which is a sad statement when you consider how easily you can type potato salad recipe into Google.

The ad gave me flashbacks to another commercial from years ago in which a woman dipped a stalk of celery into a jar of mayonnaise and used it like an ice cream scoop to shovel a glob of white goo the size of a toddler's fist into her wanton maw. I'd assumed was memory was long since forgotten, but there it was fresh as the day I first saw it. My uncle once told me that sometimes when he was riding the bus on rainy days, he'd find himself gripping his umbrella like an M-16 and would suddenly remember horrible things from Vietnam that he'd completely forgotten twenty or more years earlier.

I guess what I'm saying is whether its bashing some Vietnamese kid's face in with a rifle butt or watching a moderately attractive woman pouring whipped oil and egg yolks down her throat, the world is an ugly place sometimes.

Oh, and that mayonnaise commercials are gross.

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