Unimpressive Rap Brags

Bloggified by Jake on Sunday, July 5, 2009

Keeping in mind that 97% of rap is just about telling everyone how awesome you are, some brags fall short of the mark. (I wanted to have a more comprehensive list, but after awhile it just felt like I was nitpicking, so I trimmed way back to these six for now.)

I got more rhymes than the bible's got Psalms.
The bible has 150 psalms. I can come up with more than 150 rhymes. Hell, I can come up with at least 20 for "cat."

On the Gong Show we won't get gonged
Aim high, boys. Aim high.

How does Mix-A-Lot communicate? With beepers.
Perhaps this is an unfair inclusion to the list since in 1987 having a pager was pretty impressive. Fortunately, I've never concerned myself much with fairness when it comes to criticism. On a similar note:
Me and Kid Sensation at home away from home
In the Black Benz Limo, with the cellular phone

A cellular phone that's the size of a large squirrel and has a cord attached to it.

Sure 'nuff I got props
From the kids on the Hill
Plus my mom and my pops

My mom says I'm a good rapper!

I only sleep with women, cause I am heterosexual
Well, better that than "because I am afraid of what my friends would say if I explored these strange stirrings."

In a 18-wheeler, lookin' real swass. All the girls smile 'cause I'm the big boss.
There is a reason rappers all brag about their Bentleys and Benzos. It's because they found success in the rap game before they had to resort to going to truck driving school. But, the next time I'm driving cross country and pull into a truck stop in the middle of nowhere at 3AM, I will gaze with envy upon the truck drivers knowing that they get all the women... and not just the toothless meth addicts they have to pay for at said truck stop.

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