My Facebook Friends' Friends Are Idiots, Part 3

Bloggified by Jake on Wednesday, October 14, 2009

This past summer, my friend's wife had a new baby. For several months leading up to the birth, he would update his status to say something about how they'd gone to see the ultrasound or that the baby kicked or that he was going on family leave, and every time he did someone would make a comment along the lines of "Is [your wife] pregnant?" or "[Your wife] is pregnant?" or "[Your wife] is going to have a baby?" or "Baby wife pregnant your is going?"

What baffled me was how eager people on Facebook are to fly their ignorance flag. I have several Facebook friends on "ignore" status, so its entirely possible that if I pulled up their pages right now, I could find that they were going through some life altering experience. Were that the case, I might drop them an email. "Sorry to hear you got deported."

Furthermore, asking someone to confirm the news in their update not only shows your ignorance, but also your arrogance. What you are saying is "I could click on your name and read your last dozen or so status updates to figure out what the hell is going on, but it's easier to just make noise and expect a personal message telling me what's going on. That's how important I think I am in your life, even though you clearly aren't important enough in my life for me to bother reading a few one-sentence summaries of your day."

So it was that after his daughter was born, the same friend from the opening paragraph got a new job and announced he was moving. A few days before the official Facebook status announcement, several of his friends had gotten the news through emails and other channels and posted messages on his Facebook wall. Unless you were friends with both my friend and the person who posted, you wouldn't see them without going to his page, so I don't expect everyone to have read them, but it warrants mentioning only because if you clicked on his Facebook page at any time in the following three weeks, you would have nothing but a series of messages about where he was moving, why he was moving, when he was moving, and even how he was moving.

So... the day after the messages from friends came pouring in, he made the official announcement.

That was cut off because he exceeded the number of characters his phone was willing to send to Facebook or some such nonsense. Anyway, nice, succinct, answers all the easiest questions, right?

What do you think happens when he follows up with an article about his new employer less than six hours later?

Holy shit. Not only did he already tell everyone where he was going six hours ago, he also just posted a link about where he was going and explicitly repeated it. My daughter is in second grade and if she asked her teacher a question like this, she'd get put in the retarded class.

A week later, he's dealing with movers and shares his frustrations.

I like how he politely slipped in the answer there. It had been a week, so I guess he was willing to impart some info. Unfortunately, giving stupid people answers to questions they can easily find on their own with a minimal amount of effort is like feeding stray cats.

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