Give Yourself a Hand, Lose Those Extra Chins

Bloggified by Jake on Thursday, December 24, 2009

Holidays bring together friends and families, often reuniting us with people we haven't seen since last Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's/whatever. For such an occasion, you can count on a camera being present. Unfortunately, for many of us, it's not until those pictures start being snapped that we realize just how fat and ugly we've gotten in the previous twelve months.

Those who have found themselves going through a friend's Facebook posting of pictures from a Christmas party and said, "Who's that tub of lard wearing the exact same outfit I--oh, crap..." there are a few options. Wearing dark colors or vertical stripes is a popular suggestion. My mother always recommended making sure you are only photographed with people fatter than yourself.

A last ditch option is the hand on the chin.

Placing one's hand thoughtfully on the chin adds an air of sophistication as well as camouflages the multiple flapping folds of fat dangling from the throat. Just notice the difference between this charming, dapper fellow:
And--Oh, no! I hope you cooked more than one Christmas ham if this guy's coming to dinner:Hard to believe, but a deftly executed multiple-chin-hiding hand makes all the difference!

I bring up this point because I was looking at the album covers of Gathering of the Juggalos headliner Haystak's album covers and noticed a trend. Most of his albums feature him touching his face.In the above case, I think he was going for "introspective," like maybe you'll think, "Hey, is this a Harvard professor singing 'My F.U. Song'?" But the more covers you look at, the more you come to suspect Haystak is trying to keep us all from noting that he's put on a few pounds.

The disturbing thing is that it actually kind of works. Check him out without the IQ-boosting, chin fat-obscuring hand:
More disturbing? Haystak's discography is larger than Young MC, Eric B. & Rakim, and Heavy D combined! How the hell does this happen?

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