Jake vs. Peyton

Bloggified by Jake on Friday, December 11, 2009

I received my first Christmas present tonight, a joint gift from Ryno and Robby.Regular followers of my Twitter feed on Sundays will know there are two things I hate most about this time of year: Peyton Manning and the dancing Fox NFL robot from commercial breaks. So being the great friends that they are, they combined the two, putting Peyton's head on a Colts version of Cleatus, the official name of the dancing Fox NFL robot from commercial breaks.Three or four years ago, Cleatus got his name via a "Name the dancing Fox NFL robot from commercial breaks" contest. Unfortunately, my submissions of FuckingDie-3P0 and Thishasnothingtodowithfootballo didn't even make it to the semifinals. Anyway, what makes this version of Robo-Manning so cool is that they also provided me with the Peyton Manning shooter, so I can prop up my two most hated things merged into one next to the TV during one of the 15 nationally televised Colts games we see every season and pepper it with mini marshmallows every time the refs give Peyton a favorable call. Damn, that's a lot of marshmallows...

Note the pictures on the box.They even added an additional Manning target to put on small animals. Although, I don't know who decided that was more realistic. If you've seen Peyton Manning scramble, I might be better off shooting the target attached to a small potato.

2 sarcastic replies:

Jennifer Juniper said...

Why do you hate Peyton Manning?

The one good thing about Cletus is it made this possible:



Jake said...

Peyton Manning is one of those rare talents who is better than everyone else around him, and therefore gets all the calls to go his way. Like when referees just kind of decided that Michael Jordan could take 4-5 steps before it was traveling or umpires decided any pitch Barry Bonds didn't swing at must be a ball.

It's bullshit. If you're already better than everyone else, why can't you play fair? And worse, they get praised for it. The thing I hate most about sports is the constant knob-slobbing of commentators. Peyton Manning overthrows a receiver and they throw a pass interference flag, then Jon Gruden talks about what a great throw it was.

I have a theory that Peyton Manning is what happened to Billy Mumy's character from that Twilight Zone episode where he wished people into the cornfield. Why else would everyone be so eager to go out of their way to make him happy. "Oh, looks like we're going to beat Indy... guess I should go for it on 4th and 2 on my own 25. That's a good idea, Peyton. A real good idea."

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