I'm No Prude, But...

Bloggified by Jake on Saturday, July 31, 2010

My kids finally convinced me to watch an episode or two of Nickelodeon's new show, "Victorious," with them yesterday. I had seen a few minutes from the end of another episode and wasn't too impressed. Like many of Dan Schneider's other shows (iCarly, Drake & Josh, Zoey 101) the funny scripts took a hit from poor teenage overacting--except for anything with Gibby in it on "iCarly." That kid is fucking hilarious.

That's not to say I wasn't interested in "Victorious," just for the wrong reason. The only thing I knew about it was that its star, Victoria Justice, had previously guest-starred on an episode of "iCarly" where she wore a sports bra for 80% of the show and made me feel like 100% of a creepy perv for the rest of the week."Victorious" wouldn't make me feel much different. I wasn't prepared for was the highly sexualized content in a show about a half-dozen sexy teenagers who go to a performing arts school. Of course, I'm far from the type to jump on a soapbox and decry how we're corrupting our youth. Instead, I want to know where the hell were shows like this when I was fourteen? Do you know how hard it was to masturbate to "Saved By the Bell" and "Double Trouble?"

In this particular episode, the kids went to the beach in an RV and, in a take on the classic trope of "people getting locked in stuff" (i.e. walk-in freezers, bank vaults, elevators stuck between floors) another RV parks beside them while they are getting ready, preventing them from getting the door open. The air conditioner doesn't work and the windows can't be opened, which is all an excuse for flat-stomached teenage girls in bikinis to lounge about getting sweaty.Meanwhile, one of the girls had already left the RV to go pee, serving as a reverse McGuffin that the trapped characters must wait to find and save them. Unfortunately, she gets sidetracked when she bumps into four hot dudes on the beach and...


Um, I mean what really caught my eye was that sexy hip shake. That is not something a cold person does to get warm. That is something a drunk sorority girl does when she's trying to win a wet T-shirt contest.
And just in case that was too subtle, the four guys then surround her for a Supersoaker circle jerk.Now, I'll grant you the Ghost homage was pretty funny, though I doubt any of the kids watching the show got it... which indicates to me that the producers understand, "While our target audience might be kids, a significant portion of our viewers are creepy dudes in their 30's and 40's who want to see sexy teenagers, so throw in a few jokes for them, too."

And once you realize that, it's hard not to overanalyze everything else. Why does the pottery guy later emphasize his desire to "glaze" her pot for her? Why do the four guys want to eat tuna with the girl? When they get snowcones, is there something symbolic about her getting cherry? She sure is eager to get rid of her cherry (snowcone) since she gets a brainfreeze from eating it so fast.

And of all the images to include in a montage...... I guess it could be worse.

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